Sunday, January 15, 2012
Kickin' the Habit
What's that you say? It's not my fault that I got diabetes? That's what my doctors tell me, and they may be correct. It's a question with which I've struggled for quite a while myself. At the time of my diagnosis I was (what I considered then to be) a relatively healthy and active person. But the truth is I may never know for sure to what degree I played a part in my own condition. The truth is, for my purposes, that it doesn't really matter. My journey is not about laying blame. What matters - and what I can take responsibility for - are the choices I'm making right now, either to the tune of impeded progress or to the continued nurturing of this new healing lifestyle unto its highest manifestation.
Believe me, the boldness of my above statement is not lost on me. When the idea of "giving up diabetes" first crossed my mind, I had said it aloud to myself as more of a joke. Then I began really to consider the power of the statement, as a conscious abandonment of my current state of dis-ease. It is a decision - inasmuch as I have the power to decide - to be finished and free of these maleficent medical entanglements.
As I considered the statement, I became aware that my definition of healing had changed at some point during this last year. When I first embarked on my raw food adventure, I felt that I might only consider myself "healed" if and when I could return to eating those more familiar, less nutritious faux- or Franken-foods and not require any insulin to maintain a perfectly balanced blood sugar. (And to an impressive degree, that is precisely what has begun to happen on those now rarer and rarer occasions that I partake of more conventional cuisine.) One year ago, that, to me, would have been the ultimate proof of a normally functioning pancreas.
But then I got to thinking... If my now healthier, primarily raw and organic foods lifestyle currently demands barely any insulin at all - about 5 units per day, including both basal and bolus - and the only other time I require insulin "for my diabetes" is when I choose to eat that other crap, then some of the insulin I'm using is really less "for my diabetes" than it is for my bad habits. Once I'd begun to see it this way, diabetes looked more like a series of bad decisions than some random affliction to which I was not a party. And healing looked even more like a conscious choice. I mean, how much sense would it make really to have healed from diabetes only to return to those same highly processed so-called "foods" that tend to encourage diabetes in the first place? For me, the answer is: None at all.
With all this in mind, it seemed clear that I had been helping to perpetuate my own condition, and I can find no wisdom or meaning now in continuing to do so. That sort of behavior has no place in my new definition of the word "healing". The way I figure it, with any lingering bad habits out of my way, the only thing standing between me and my original goal of no longer being diabetic (according to this new definition of healing) is about 4.5 units of basal insulin. And that seems like kid stuff compared to the progress I've already made these last many months. In truth, however, it could prove the most difficult insulin dependence to break so far... We shall see.
In any case, whether by the support of nutrient rich foods or the strength of my simple resolute faith in the body's ability to heal, I am feeling more up to the challenge than ever... Here's to a happy, healthier new year!